


Regular Giuseppe

by AlinoValiant (UnknownDude)



Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Brooklyn, Brothers, Dorkly, Dorkly Fan Character, Drama, Family, Gen, Hurt, New York City, One Shot, Original Character - Freeform, Real world, Tension, The Third Mario Brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 14:58:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5630725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownDude/pseuds/AlinoValiant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many are well-versed on the Super Mario Brothers. Mario and Luigi have earned their fame and reputation as the renowned heroes of the Mushroom Kingdom and then some. Meanwhile, a third Mario Brother deals with his own life back in the Real World. Take a quick look-see through this man's perspective as he prevails to keep a roof over his head. (AU, One Shot)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regular Giuseppe

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: As the title itself would imply, this is my take on the video called Regular Guiseppe, The Third Mario Brother. Of course, I spelled the name correctly in this quick story. It's similar to the video, although there are some minor differences down the road. This is one of my fewest Mario fics (might be the only one, actually) that doesn't have my OC involved whatsoever. Feel free to rejoice, because it won't happen often. Enjoy.

Giuseppe, a balding chestnut-haired man approaching his forties, lived in a respectable apartment within the Brooklyn borough of New York City. He was seated on a chair inside the laundry room, waiting for his clothes to finish in the dryer; there were only two minutes remaining on the timer. There was no harm punching through this duration. Outside the residence, it was after seven on a Friday evening, evident by the indigo hue in the very cloudy skies. Traffic was medium-heavy as the distant honking of the horns pierced an otherwise reposeful atmosphere.

This particular man wore a pair of black overalls and a brown shirt, along with matching shoes and white gloves. He also had a thick mustache. His physique was stocky, yet in decent shape: Giuseppe wasn't one to work out in his spare time, but he took care to maintain a reasonable diet throughout his daily square meals. In terms of temperament, he appeared content in spite of his constant exhaustion. Giuseppe was worn out because of the family plumbing business operated by him alone. It had been very difficult to maintain its name in the phone books and online services, simply due to rivalling companies dwarfing the independent enterprise. He sometimes wondered how he was doing this: was it due to his waning luck over the years?

In the past years, Giuseppe's father had founded the business after completing his apprenticeship in plumbing. Giuseppe was taught the trade when he had been just a young boy. Economic stability had not been an issue until his father eventually began to suffer from his deteriorating health. Thus, Giuseppe was asked by his dad to take over the business. Not long after being rushed to the hospital, his father succumbed to heart failure. Giuseppe worked with two younger brothers who used to help him out. Their names were Mario and Luigi, also famously known as the Super Mario Brothers. Ever since they had disappeared during a routine pipe inspection, Giuseppe found himself handling the entire workload.

Indeed, Giuseppe was related to Mario and Luigi because he was the third Mario brother. One who had gradually been thrown into total negligence while his siblings were eloping in some magical place called the Mushroom County or whatever the hell it was. This would have been tolerable if it wasn't for their flaunty behavior toward him and their mother. Giuseppe never liked that Mario and Luigi rubbed it in his face because he lived a boring, insignificant, laborious life in the Real World. It was already enough that Giuseppe one-manned a business that seemed ready to break apart at anytime. He did not need their high and mighty attitudes bringing him down.

So what if he was left to manage the family business all on his own? Apparently, having to get by in life the right and proper way meant nothing to his brothers. Mario and Luigi laughed it up in their own fantasy world while Giuseppe dealt with the everyday crap excreted on this Earth, our Earth. Someone like this man deserved respect simply for representing the working person trapped in reality. Really, Giuseppe loved, or tried to love his brothers; they were family after all, but their disdain to take responsibility and show some decency to their third brother (the rest of the family as well) countered that. In fact, when was the last time Mario and Luigi took it upon themselves to visit Giuseppe? Not considering those derisive occasions in comparing lives, he couldn't even begin to recall.

Giuseppe was busy folding his laundry in the living room, watching television at the same time. The phone had rung during this mundane activity. After lowering the volume of the TV, he answered the phone and clenched it between his right ear and shoulder.

"Hello?" murmured Giuseppe, folding up a short-sleeved shirt. "Oh, ciao mamma. I'm okay, how about you? Yes, the business is afloat, but just barely... No, I don't know when Mario and Luigi are coming over. I miss him too, God bless his soul."

There was a rapid spout of chatter on the other line. Giuseppe grunted positively and nodded his head.

"Of course I'm going to visit you. Tomorrow in the morning, yes? Okay... okay, okay... All right, no problem. I can help you out with that. I'm happy to lend you a hand like always. Okay, ma, I'll see you tomorrow. Sì, I love you. Buona notte."

Giuseppe hung up and finished folding the rest of his laundry, which was put away afterwards. He had been set to enjoy a good meal for dinner when his front door burst open. Gracing the aged, balding man's presence was none other than his brothers Mario and Luigi. Oh, that _thing_ was here in his household too...

"Saluti, Giuseppe!" cried Mario, smiling at his oldest brother.

This open greeting fell upon deaf ears.

"Hey! I told you not to bring that uncouth beast around here!" scolded Giuseppe, glaring at a nonchalant Luigi. "I don't want to have to clean up after it again!"

"Chill out, Giuseppe! Yoshi is trained!"

And by 'trained', this meant dropping a green-spotted egg that fractured apart and revealed a steaming dookie, scent and flies included. Quite. Gritting his teeth, Giuseppe growled with immediate anger. The apathetic Yoshi didn't have, nor did he bother to give a single care for his unloaded action. Neither did Luigi for that matter.

"So, uh, how are you?" asked Mario in an attempt to disarm this foul situation.

"I _was_ in a fine mood... until you two showed up. I know it's gonna be the same as last time, so out with it already. Why are you here?"

"Me and Luigi came over to visit you. Why are you so mad at us?"

"Why? I'll tell you why. You never help me out with the family plumbing business," said Giuseppe straightforwardly, "and mom's wondering whether you two are dead or not. It's been nearly a decade since you paid her a personal visit. Plus, that stupid animal shat on my carpet. Now I have to clean this crap up again, thanks to you, Luigi."

"Whoa, easy there, hulkamania," said Mario defensively. "That's my brother you're getting angry at."

"I'm your brother, too! Do you enjoy forgetting that I even exist in the first place? While I'm pouring all my sweat and blood keeping our business in the black, you two wise guys are laughing it up in - in... Mushroom Town or whatever! Arrrgh! I'm lucky to have even paid the rent for this month! I pay the bills and do all the real work around here, me! You're off partying in that gateway to heaven you call home and I'm doing _everything_ in my power to stay manageable. How do you think I feel about that?"

Mario and Luigi just looked at each other. Giuseppe scrutinized them, almost as though he was predicting their thoughts, and made an educated guess of his own.

"And let me say this now; you have someplace else to be, no? It's just another excuse to avoid assisting me with the chores in this apartment. I bet you think you're well above seeing mom with me tomorrow, huh? If our dad was alive right now, he'd be ashamed to acknowledge your very names."

Mario suddenly stared out through the window, feeling uncomfortable under this lecture.

"Gee, you should take your medication," Luigi suggested as he rolled his eyes. "You were always the angry one out of us three. It's not good for your blood pressure, and you're not getting any younger."

"I'm angry 'cause I'm struggling to make ends meet!" roared Giuseppe, making his two brothers flinch. Yoshi continued to stand on the spot with unaffected indifference. "If you'd take one minute, just one damned minute of your time in paradise to help me out - "

"That's nice. Say, I gotta get back," Mario interjected while improvising an excuse to escape this household and his brother's wrath. "I have to... help Peach bake a cake. It's for me. Arrivederci, and don't forget to say hi to mom for me!"

Before Giuseppe could chew him out any further, Mario made his hasty exit. A nervous Luigi darted his head here and there, also looking as though something was on his mind.

"Err, I – uh... Oh! I've got to tutor my wife in... erm, yeah. I gotta go. It was good to see you again. Let's do this again in ten years, bye!"

But Luigi had one last word to utter. All the while, Yoshi tapped his foot impatiently.

"Don't be jealous of our success. There's no need to take it out on me and Mario because _you're_ stuck here in realistic middle class. _We_ just managed to hit a high note, that's all. Ta ta."

Finally, Luigi and Yoshi left the apartment after Mario. Giuseppe simply shook his head in resignation as he glanced over at his dinner.

"What a waste of a family visit... I know those two are off on some wacky, fun adventure to save a gal in distress, yet again. I do feel a bit better venting out some of my frustration on them at least. Well, it's time for me to eat in peace."

Or not, because the extra-long tongue of Yoshi had gulped up the food in one go. The utensils, plates and drinking glass were also gone. Not a single crumb was left, much to the expected disappointment of Giuseppe. Frowning sadly to himself, he picked up his phone and speed dialed a number.

"Hello, Domino's? Sì, it's Giuseppe again."

While he waited for his pizza to arrive, he took care of the droppings 'kindly' left by Yoshi. The deliveryman had rung his doorbell after a certain amount of time. Paying the initial bill plus the delivery tax, Giuseppe ate a few pepperoni and cheese slices in silence while he watched a marathon of Seinfeld. He eventually fell asleep somewhere in the middle of it all.

* * *

Giuseppe woke up the next morning, dressed up to go see his mother. Rather than wearing his work uniform, he donned a buttoned-up white shirt with black pants, a gray overcoat and a hat in the same color. He was about to leave his home when the telephone rang. Not expecting a call at this time, Giuseppe went over to pick up the receiver.

"Hello? Yes, this is Giuseppe. What's that...? No, there must be some mistake! I didn't!"

Whatever the pressing matter was caused him a lot of distress. He sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I can't pay that off. I'll have to consider taking out a loan for now. Yes, please. Grazie." Giuseppe had hung up. There was a look of sheer ire upon his profile. "I don't believe this. My credit card bill is worth over three thousand dollars! Dammit, Mario and Luigi! I hardly have any money left after paying off my rent. Spending my hard-earned currency, how could they do that without telling me first? Why did they even use my credit card in the first place? Don't those two have plenty of money of their own?"

Giuseppe plopped on the couch with his hands covering his face. With an expense this huge, he had no choice but to postpone the visit to his mother so that he could do some extra work. It wasn't going to be easy because Giuseppe hated having to cancel on his mother. Lying was a possibility, but he couldn't do that to her: it wasn't right. After a moment's hesitation, Giuseppe notified his mother.

"I'm sorry, ma, but I can't come to visit you. Why not? Because of my irresponsible idiot brothers! They carelessly used my credit card for their own greed, that's what they did! Merda, the bill is over three thousand dollars..."

His presumably concerned mother was responding to Giuseppe on the other end.

"No, you don't need to do that," he replied, apparently trying to decline a helpful offer. "I'll take care of it myself. I'm going to work all day today and probably for the next few weeks in advance. Yes... yes... Okay, I'm glad you understand. I promise to come over for sure another time, all right? I'm really sorry about this. Addio, ma."

He had to change his attire now that his plans had been altered. Giuseppe wore his brown shirt and black overalls, having gathered his tools for the day. After a quick double-check, he went into the family van and began to drive around the city.

"Mario and Luigi better not come back next time..." Giuseppe muttered bitterly. "I often wonder why they're even a part of the family in the first place. Those two should just stay in their happy place forever. They've got everything they could ever want, so why come over to brag about it? A lot of good their visit did yesterday. Oh ragazzo, I'm gonna need a _really_ strong beverage after all this. Calm yourself, Giuseppe. At least the worst is over..."

He hoped someone called him for his services soon, because there was nothing but resentment and enmity clouding his mentality. The middle-aged man desperately needed something to do in order to get his mind off of Mario and Luigi. Not to mention, three thousand dollars would take a while to pay off, because of the family business going down the drain and all. It had slowly declined since Giuseppe's father left for the afterlife: things were destined to worsen as soon as Mario and Luigi had entered another world, the Mushroom Kingdom. Giuseppe supposed he should be glad the rent was dealt with, but this credit card bill... Cancelling the card would not exempt him from the outrageous expense. It wasn't a pretty financial situation. Perhaps he needed to consider a change in careers...

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this was regular Giuseppe in the toils and strife of the Real World. Oh, the humanity.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I won't lie when I say this; it was fun. I can't say I was happy portraying Yoshi as an ignorant, disrespectful character, but that's how the video did it. Honestly, I'm neutral about Mario and Luigi, though I tend to lean towards the man in green. I understand that the video was supposed to be just a humorous joke and nothing else. I merely wrote this one-shot for the hell of it too. Thank you for reading.


End file.
